Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize