It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
