I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
