She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
