READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
