Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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