Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
