I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize