forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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