My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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