I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
