His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
