I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
