I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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