no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
