You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
