How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
