Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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