I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
