No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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