It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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