You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
