and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
