have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
