I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
