just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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