she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
