just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
