If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
