how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize