only you would photoshop your dick
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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