I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
