yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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