I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
