this beer tastes like vomit already
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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