she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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