you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
