haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
