hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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