im six kinds of drunk right now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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