Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
