Just fell off a train. Bad.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
