I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
