Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
