Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
