I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
