so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
