Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
