Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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