we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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