I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
