dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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