Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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