Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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