At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
