this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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