In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
