The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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