so explain again why im purple
no
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
