last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
