I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
