Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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