Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Randomize
