We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
